


It's Not a Race

by Hailhailsatan



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Enthusiastic Consent, Geraskier, M/M, Modern AU, Orgasm Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Praise, hurt comfort, soft smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:54:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24310873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hailhailsatan/pseuds/Hailhailsatan
Summary: Jaskier has orgasm anxiety and doesn’t want to let Geralt get close to him, catastrophising his responses in his head. Eventually telling Geralt and Geralt helping him through it.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 28
Kudos: 296
Collections: Good Relationship Etiquette (familial included) - or Good BDSM Etiquette - or Good Relationship and BDSM Etiquette





	It's Not a Race

**Author's Note:**

> I read a post on tumblr a wee while ago about orgasm anxiety and it struck a chord with me. I enjoyed writing this, and I hope some of you reading it enjoy it and maybe get something from it? ahha

It was Friday afternoon. Jaskier was busy at work organising shelves, lost in his thoughts. Both him and Geralt always had the weekend off so that they could spend as much time together as possible. He was clock watching. Usually he couldn’t wait to finish work and get home, like most people, but today he was anxious. In fact, he’d been anxious for a few weeks. And every Friday before he got home to wait on Geralt, he got worse.  
When he first met Geralt, he was floored. He was everything he wanted in a man, tall, long hair, strong, and played hard to get which drove Jaskier wild. He loved the teasing, loved chasing him, loved staying up all night sending him messages, seeing how far they would go each night. His heart would race sending overly flirtatious messages before holding his phone face down onto the bed, his heart racing, both needing to see the reply and never wanting to pick his phone up again in case it wasn’t the reply he wanted. But it always was. Geralt knew how to play Jaskier. Constantly pretending he didn’t understand the flirting to make him send more. Eventually the flirting lead to much racier phone interactions. Jaskier had a way with words, he worked in a small bookshop in town and when he wasn’t reading he was writing. He absolutely adored showering Geralt with messages of love and lust, telling him what he wanted to do to him, what he would do to him when he was there. Hours he spent, writing thousands of words, all in an effort to make Geralts breath catch in his throat and beg to see him. Eventually, they began spending more time together in real life. Which was incredible at first. The energy between them as they sat, nervously together, not knowing when would be the best time to mention the messages, but knowing they had been so intimate without touch. Leading to weekends of being tangled up together, kissing, teasing, biting each other. It would start with Jaskier, whispering in Geralts ear while they were watching television, waiting for someone to make the first move. He’d run his fingers through his hair, before pulling what he’d bunched in his hand, licking up his earlobe. 

“I’ll let you keep watching if you can tell me what’s been happening on screen in the last five minutes.”

He’d giggle, seeing the obviously bigger and stronger man almost writhe at his touch.  
Jaskier always kept control. He did all of the talking, all of the first moves, and was always the first one to stop what was going on, just before hands moved too low. Once he’d stopped he’d playfully tell Geralt he’d had enough.

“I’m not a whore Geralt, you can wait.”

He’d wink at him. Making the blonde almost bite through his own lip. 

“It’s half 5 Jaskier, you’re done, you finished half an hour ago, why are you still here?”

One of the girls who worked alongside him asked, laughing.  
He stuttered and felt his stomach shake with nerves. He got his jacket on and left for his house.

______________

When he got home, Geralt was already sitting on his doorstep, a sight that both comforted him and made his throat hurt at the same time.

“Where have you been is everything okay? I considered walking round your block a few times so that I didn’t look like a stalker but I thought that might make me look worse.”  
Geralt laughed, nervously.

Jaskier unlocked the door and stood in the doorway.

“Who says you’re allowed in?”

He smirked, holding his hand on the frame. 

Geralts eyes went dark, he raised an eyebrow and half smiled.

“Do you want to play this game with me Jask?”

Jaskier looked at his nails on the hand that was free.

“Maybe I’m busy tonight. There’s a lot of demand for my attention you know. You should have called before you arrived.”

Geralt lifted Jaskier up from where he was standing, forcing a laugh out of them both instantly. He carried him into the living room, shutting the door with his foot, then planted Jaskier on the couch, holding him down.

“Geralt! Stop roughhousing me. My clothes are expensive you know.”

“Tell me, what do you have to do tonight sweetheart? Do you want me to leave?”

Geralt had his hands pinned above his head and his weight fully on top of his hips. He trailed kisses down the soft skin of his neck, which made high pitched moans escape from Jaskier’s open mouth. He stopped struggling as he almost melted into the couch, not wanting to be anywhere else other than under his boyfriend.

“This isn’t fair. You’re not playing fair.”

His response was filled with panting. 

“Fair? The way you feel right now, is a tenth of how I’ve felt for the past few months. Your messages, your whispering, your constant teasing. You don’t know the meaning of the word.”  
Geralt licked across Jaskiers top lip, waiting for him to try and kiss him back before pulling away. A move Jaskier had said he’d do to him a few weeks back, the description almost sending Geralt over the edge. Geralt remembered every movement from the scenario Jaskier had written out and mimicked it move by move. Moving his tshirt up slightly, Geralt trailed kisses over the hairy chest beneath him, taking one of his hands down beside him to dig his nails into the sharp hips that bucked up at each touch. Geralt took his index finger, and ran it underneath the waistband of Jaskiers jeans. 

“Geralt I-“

Jaskier almost Jumped. He gulped and stuttered, which made Geralt get a small fright.

“Are you okay?”  
He let go of him instantly, sitting up. Jaskier didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t mean to react like that, but he’d done it now and needed an excuse. 

“I’m sorry, I, I just feel a bit dizzy all of a sudden. Sorry Love, I’m going to go to the bathroom.”

Jaskier stood up immediately and ran to the bathroom. When he got there he slammed the door behind him and splashed his face with water. He needed to calm down. His body began to shake with a fight or flight response that he didn’t need. He was so mad with himself. His mind was racing, moving from thought to though, catastrophising. He was so overwhelmed he didn’t notice the door was being knocked. 

“Jaskier, are you okay? Do you need anything?”

Geralt’s voice was filled with concern.

“I’m fine. Please, just go back to the living room I’ll be there in a minute.”

“I’ve brought you some water.”

Jaskier didn’t respond. He waited for Geralt to leave before he started to breathe again. But he didn’t hear any movement. 

“Jask, are you upset with me? If you don’t want this anymore it’s- It’s okay-“

Jaskier looked at himself in the mirror, his eyes red from physically pressing his eyes trying not to cry. He wanted to be alone but he needed the comfort. The comfort of the man who makes him feel so, so special. He opened the door.

“Geralt ofcourse not I’m sorry I-“  
“You’ve been crying. Sweetheart come here. Please tell me, what’s wrong. Was it me? I was only playing I wasn’t really trying to be mean to you I’m-“

Jaskier almost fell into his arms. He looked up at Geralt who was desperately trying to understand what was wrong. He wanted to tell him, make it all better and reassure him, but telling him meant really, telling him. He was so ashamed. He opened his mouth and just began to cry, before pressing his face into Geralts chest.

“I’m sorry. I promise. It’s not you. I love you. It’s me, I’m broken.”

Geralt held him tightly and rested his head on the thick, brown hair underneath his chin that was damp with the water that had been previously splashed on his face.

“Hey, shhhh, what are you talking about?”

He rubbed the sobbing mans back.

“Come on, let’s go and lie down and you can talk to me, okay? You can tell me what you want, no pressure. But I think you need to talk, don’t you?”

Jaskier nodded and took Geralts hand and walked into the bedroom.

_____________

Almost half an hour of sobbing had gone by before Jaskier opened his mouth to speak. Geralt just let him lie there on his chest and stroked his hair, not taking notice of the wet patch of tears that had formed on his tshirt. He wanted Jaskier to do this in his own time since it upset him so much. 

“I’m broken. I’m all talk Geralt and I’m afraid you’ll leave me when I tell you.”

“Whatever you have to tell me, we can talk about it. I’m going nowhere, sweetheart, please, what’s wrong?”

“I can’t… this is super embarrassing, please don’t laugh.”

“Why would I laugh at you? Jaskier I promise-“

“I can’t orgasm. I have, before, plenty, I used to all the time. But, it takes so long, and, it’s so hard to explain. When we’re together, or when we’re talking, it’s great, like, really great. I feel like I could. When I was with other people, I would nearly get there, but then I’d take so long and it would make me nervous and I could never- you know, do it. And the nervousness of not being able to do it made it 10 times worse. And then when I was alone, all I could think about was not being able to when I was with someone, and then it started happening alone. And now, we keep going to, you know, and I keep thinking, you’re going to get bored, or think I don’t like you or think you’re not into it, or think-“

“Jas… Sweetheart. Calm down.”

Geralt lifted Jaskiers head to look at him. He was out of breath, sobbing again, shaking.

“You’re not broke. And I don’t ever want to hear you say that again, okay?”

Jaskier looked away.”

“Ay, look at me, look, I mean it. I love being with you, I love the time I spend with you, talking or kissing or whatever. But I’m not with you for that. Yeah, ofcourse, it’s great, that feeling is great, but it’s not about that. It’s about us being close and… intimate and just feeling you with me. Apart from the fact I’d never want it to end anyway, it’s not a race, and it’s not about how it ends. I never, ever want you to feel embarrassed or ashamed when you’re with me, or anyone else for that matter. I love you. I want you to enjoy what’s going on, and whatever happens, happens. I’m so proud of you for talking to me, it couldn’t have been easy. But I know now, and I can hopefully make you feel better. Help you out. Okay?”

Jaskiers tears had started to dry. His anxiety had started to subside, which made his body shake more, but he knew that was part of him coming down from his panic attack. Geralt just held him closer.  
“Do you feel any better, delicate thing?”

“Maybe, a little. I just. Geralt, what if we, you know, and I can’t, even if you think it’s okay, what will happen?”

Jaskier’s face was sore from balling his eyes out and rubbing the skin on the fabric underneath him, but he’d calmed down quite a bit. Geralt held him, and kissed his forehead. 

“I’m going to get you another glass of water, then when I’m back, and you’ve finished it, I’m going to look after you tonight. I’m going to make you feel so special, and calm, and you’ll be looked after. No stress. Nothing you don’t want.”

Geralt smiled at the fragile body next to him. Then left to get his water. When he returned, Jaskier took a few big gulps of it to put back what had poured from his eyes. The colour was returning to normal on Jaskier’s face. Geralt brushed the hair out of his face and kissed his cheek.

“Would you like me to look after you tonight, sweetheart?”

Jaskier nodded and moved Geralt into the position he was in before, so that he could hide his face in his chest. Geralt obliged.

“If you’re happy, and you want to, I’m going to make you feel good. I’m going to kiss you, slowly, bringing your heartrate down. I’m going to caress every part of your body, mapping you, getting to know what makes your back arch like it did on that couch.”

Jaskier giggled and looked up to meet Geralts eyes.

“I’d like that.”

“Good. After that, if you want, and you’re comfortable, I’ll maybe let my fingers trace the place you always tell me you want them.”

Jaskier let his eyes close, blushing into the strong chest in front of him, letting all the images go through his head that he’d been carefully constructing and sending over the last few months.

“The deal tonight is though, I’m going to touch you, make you feel good, keep you against me, and if anything happens, it happens, but once I see the sun go down at the window, I’m going to stop, gently, slowly, and just hold you until you fall asleep, okay? The point in this exercise is to just enjoy what’s happening. I’m actively telling you, I’m not expecting anything to happen, and I’m expecting to just sleep and cuddle after, okay?”

Jaskier nodded and nuzzled into Geralts neck. 

“Thank you. I just- you’re amazing and I don’t want you to get bored of me.”

“I could never get bored of you, sweetheart.”

Geralt slid his hands down Jaskier’s arm until he met his hand, and laced their fingers together. Jaskier lifted his head and leaned in to kiss Geralt. Their soft lips pressed against each other, pausing for a moment before letting their tongues meet. Jaskiers hands moving to Geralts hips, holding onto him for support, which was given back when Geralt wrapped one of his arms round the smaller mans back, twisting his fingers through his hair, and the other hand moving to grasp Jaskier’s thigh, pulling it towards him, wrapping his leg round his waist. Both of them trying to get as close as possible to each other, barely stopping to breath. 

“Can I undress you?”

At those words, Jaskier took his own top off and rested his body back on the bed to let Geralt get his buckle. Geralt got onto his knees, and trailed kisses from his sharp jaw, down his chest then down to hips, lightly biting him which made Jaskier’s hips buck again like earlier, making him giggle.

“Stop that!”

“I could do that to you all day.”

Geralt undid the belt before him, then slowly, while keeping eye contact with Jaskier so that he knew he was okay, he undid the button on his jeans and pulled them off, taking his underwear and socks off with them and tossing them onto the floor.

“Okay, now you. I’m not doing this alone.”

Jaskier grinned.  
Geralt took his top off, keeping his jeans on, he moved up the bed pulling the nude figure onto his lap. 

“This is about looking after you, not me.”

He smirked, enjoying the teasing. But Jaskier wasn’t used to it. He was always the one in control, so that he could control the situation. Control his emotions. He felt so vulnerable.  
Geralt hushed him, kissing him again, then whispering in his ear.

“Are you going to let me look after you, sweetheart, make you feel good?”

Jaskier felt Geralt bite his collarbone and almost yelled back.

“Yes, please, Geralt, keep touching me.”

Jaskier closed his eyes and felt a hand almost search his body. Drawing down his chest, lightly going over his nipples sending sparks over his whole body. He was already half hard, and these touches relaxed him, made him forget his anxieties and feel loved. He let Geralt move his hand lower, passing his hips and circling his inner thigh which made Jaskier open his legs, craving more. 

“That’s it, love, I’m here, you let me take control.”

Jaskier nodded and bit his own lip, letting his head fall back, and his neck was met with long, hard kisses that would surely leave a mark. Geralt could see that even without being touched, Jaskier cock was leaking, almost dripping. When he looked him, he seemed almost drunk with pleasure. A smile danced across his lips, happy that his sweetheart was content.

“Are you happy Jask? Can I keep going?”

“Oh my- yes- please- I- I-“

“Shhh, I’m here, love, I’ll do it all. Remember what I told you I wanted to do to you? With my fingers? You tell me, Jask, if it feels as good as you imagined.”

Jaskier whimpered in Geralts arms, almost rolling his head, panting. A large, confident hand moved onto his cock, holding it while his index finger moved onto the tip. Jaskier throbbed in his hold. Geralt gathered the fluid that was almost about to drip onto his stomach, and coated his finger in it, with every tiny movement, his cock twitched, asking to be relieved. But he let go, moving the hand between Jaskiers legs, spreading him wide.

“Are you ready?”

He needed consent, Jaskier was so vulnerable earlier. He didn’t want anything to ruin the experience.

“I’m so ready. I’ve wanted this since I met you.”

And with that, Geralt slid his finger inside, slowly, until it was fully in. Jaskier emitted a moan so loud it hurt Geralts ear, which made him smile knowing he was enjoying it. But instead of being rough, instead of quickly trying to get him off, he stayed still. He used his other arm to cradle Jaskier towards him, holding him. When his whimpers got lighter, when he was nuzzling against him, he went slowly, just making sure it felt good. Jaskiers cock continued to pulse, his breathing got heavier and every so often he would open his eyes and look up to his lover. And he was greeted with delicate, soft, kisses. And praise. They lay there, enjoying every movement, being connected, until the sun started to go down. Geralt slowed his pace. Once he stopped, he kept himself inside Jaskier for a few minutes to stay attached. He held him close and removed his finger.

“Geralt-“

When Jaskiers eyes opened, Geralt hushed him. He wanted him to stay calm.

“Everything’s okay, you did so well. I’m here. Let’s go to sleep, love.”

Jaskier nodded, curling himself into the larger body beside him. He was incredibly happy and satisfied. Geralt trailed kisses along His forehead before he dozed off, and watched over him until he was asleep.

“Goodnight, sweetheart.”


End file.
